I take my faith very seriously.
I expect people who call themselves Christians to behave like Christians.
I don't expect perfection among my fellow believers, but I do expect my them to admit their mistakes and ask for forgiveness...and change.
I expect these things not only from my peers but also from myself- not because I think it should be that way, but because it's how God has called us to be.

And yet, by even writing the above, I set myself up for labels like "prude" and "that girl who makes everyone else feel guilty".
In situations where I must chose between peer conversation and God's approval, dare I say what I believe in?
No, I will not participate in crude and obscene conversation. No, I don't watch TV that blasphemes the name of God and mocks Christianity. No, I don't think pornography is funny. I will not listen to perverse jokes about sex.

Why does my stomach tighten in anxiety even as I write these words?

Recently I've realized in a much deeper way how uncool it is to voice your convictions. When I dare to mention that God might not be pleased with the conversation, I am a wet blanket. A spoil-sport. Someone that others don't want to hang with. Who wants to be with someone who can't take a joke?

But this realization comes with a irevocable understand that I have no choice. Though none go with me, still I MUST follow. Even if my closest friends slowly distance themselves from me, I have to stand my ground and cling to what I know God has placed in my heart.
This is not some arbitrary moral code that I happened to be born with. This is the word of God. I dare not comprimise what I know God has called me to in order to fit in with others. There is no option here.

So now I must learn to balance this inner conviction with love. Jesus lived a life of righteousness and yet loved others with a love so deep that he chose to die so that they could live. He was hated and mocked and isolated (WAY more than I ever have been or ever will be!) and still he loved: fiercely, loyally, undeniably. I want to be like Jesus and speak the truth in love. I want to see my peers the way God that sees them. I want to take a stand in a way that draws people to God rather than repels them. I want ME to get out of the way and let JESUS shine through.


I have so far to go. Guide me, Lord Jesus.